We have probably all been through this …seems like it is just part of life: the relationship breakup! You can’t get him out of your head even though the physical and verbal “goodbyes” were said. You hold onto all of the beautiful parts of your past partner even though you know it’s over. Why the inner struggle? Because it’s probably pretty fresh and whether you were the one to conclude the relationship or not, there are heartfelt, good memories and feelings which still remain.
Or perhaps you weren’t even in a relationship, but you dated a super girl who you just can’t get your mind off. Maybe she is just part of your fantasy or maybe you felt the bonding “glue” but she didn’t. Nonetheless, your mind replays those parts of her look, feel, words, touch, smell or her charisma as if she were the ONLY one for you.
Or even better, maybe you are currently in a fantastic relationship and thoughts of him/her seem to always come to the forefront. Whether you are in romantic love, lust, or deep attachment, your mind is fixated on this individual and all of the good reasons why you want to remain and nurture your relationship.
The BIG question: Why do you linger on thoughts of wanting him? Why do thoughts of her keep popping into your head when you least expect it? Those “I still want him/her” thoughts are there to remind you of memories you created together and shared, to help you to resolve emotional challenges you must work through, or often to fill a place (in your heart) of what you desire, love and behold.
While there may be plenty of personal reasons, unique to your own situation, here are the Top 20 which seem to hit at the heart and soul of why most of us still want him/her:
1. She totally understands you.
She knows your moods, your likes/dislikes, values and idiosyncrasies. While she may not LOVE them all, she understands them and will accept all of them as part of who you are.
2. He makes you laugh until you cry.
He has a certain way about his laughter. You connect with his humorous side no matter how weird or silly it could be at times. He uses humor to diffuse a potentially awkward situation, to lighten your spirits or to just watch you laugh and enjoy the moment. He can bring you to a serious belly laugh in minutes, which eventually leads to wonderfully happy tears!
3. We have great intimacy together.
Ah yes….the intimacy part. Yes, you both have THAT! The sex is not only super great 95% of the time, but you feel so closely connected that its not just a physical act, but feels like a true commitment of your souls intertwining.
4. She is kind, caring and always willing to give of herself to others.
Well, there are many kind people in the world, but she gives unconditionally. She gives not to “get” nor to “receive” but because it is truly part of her nature to show compassion and kindness. She has an uncanny ability to detect when others are in need, much beyond their physical appearance or spoken words.
5. He keeps you grounded when your life seems disheveled.
Oh heck…life can get so crazy sometimes, but he has a way of soothing you and helping you to get back to your more grounded self. He senses when you are out of balance, stressed and can gently guide you back to calm. The best part is, he does this so naturally and it helps you to settle back into your “calmer” self.
6. We have similar values for family, life, happiness, and purpose.
We gel in those ways: values, family life, and purpose. We may have differing opinions on many subjects, but when it comes to the “foundation”, we are the cement.
7. She inspires you to grow, expand and be a better person/soul.
Sometimes you just get stuck. But she is always your mentor and helps you to understand the reasons why. She knows that you can only grow by learning and expanding yourself. She reminds you that to be your best self, you need to grow, change, improve and be flexible.
8. He is someone you can count on. He always has your back.
When times seems most challenging, he is there for you. He won’t always try to fix things, but will offer his ideas on possible solutions which truly come from a place of experience and heart. If you need him in times of sadness, challenge, grief, or frustration, he will be his best soldier and cover you.
9. Her smile says it all.
Her smile: not phony but authentic. Her glowing smile shows most when you are doing something way too crazy (and she calls you out), when she knows you are having an unbelievably good time (and she chimes in on your happiness), when she secretly notices your heart is melting for some kind reason (and her heart melts too), when she hasn’t seen you in awhile and her ear-to-ear grin (with beautiful dimples attached) says “hello, I have missed you” better than words could ever.
10. He appreciates you for who you are today, not for who you can become tomorrow.
He knows you today, but also fuels your aspirations for change. And with that being said, he understands that this is a journey of change for you, and loves all the parts of you that are here, in the present. He supports the qualities you desire to change about yourself, but he does it all without pressure!
11. Whatever we do, it is always so much fun.
We always have fun together. No stress. No drama. Whether we dine out with family/friends or are just laid back “people watching” or hanging out, we embrace the time together. It’s relaxed. There is never pressure to try to have fun. Fun creates itself. It’s simple. It’s easy. It’s so enjoyable.
12. She can comfortably hang with anyone.
She has no social nor socioeconomic barriers. She learns from and feels comfortable with anyone–from all walks of life. No pretense. Whether we are at a private corporate event or a simple casual night out with friends, she connects with others and they are attracted to her authenticity. She is the real deal.
13. She can laugh at herself.
She can make a major faux pas and pass it off as her own invaluable lesson. She laughs (sometimes out loud) at her own blunders as if to say, “it’s okay, I’m human, and that’s NOT the worst of things..” She doesn’t take life so seriously and has a much greater, beautiful vision of her role in the world.
14. He lives life passionately and embraces the moment.
He is a good decision-maker but will live in this moment and indirectly teaches you how to be better at doing the same. His encouragement to try new experiences and live life to its fullest inspires you to tip your toes into new waters. His joie de vivre is soulful and his encouragement helps you to expand your life’s perspective.
15. He is family centered.
He greatly values his family and holds it “front and center.” He works hard to be a good leader, provider and mentor for his children. He has undying love for them and his dedication is unwavering.
16. She is not afraid to be vulnerable.
She will reveal her deepest desires and feelings. She is not afraid to let you see her inner self. She may be silly, amorous, sensual, provocative, daring, or downright daunting, but whatever she is, she will “let it all hang out”. That vulnerability allows you to see who she really is. Vulnerability requires her great courage.
17. We love new experiences together.
Whether it’s traveling outside of our bubble, dining at an offbeat, quaint, homegrown restaurant, practicing archery, checking out the museum’s latest exhibit, or attending the Harley Road Rally, we love it all together. We enjoy experiencing the exciting experiences of life! It thrills us. It motivates us. It expands us. And its always super fun!
18. She knows “quiet” and when you need it most.
Some of us need quiet time more than others. She knows how you need “quiet” and when you need it most. She allows you your time to be alone, to do what you love and love what you do. It’s your time to unwind, relax, recoup, and restore. Its what your mind, body and spirit need. Not everyone understands a person’s need for alone time…solitude. She does. She gets it. She honors it.
19. He revels in your physical beauty (when you may not be feeling so lovely).
He always sees a beautiful physical quality about you…your deep set eyes, curvy hips, tousled brunette curls, or kissable toes. Even when you really are not up to shining your best self in the mirror, he always seems to discover something amazingly attractive about you. Truly special.
20. We always feel joy spending time with our children.
Spending time with our children and watching the small souls we created together brings us nothing less than joy. The children bind us for life in myriad ways.
Whether you have been through a recent breakup (and miss him dearly), are fixated on your latest, hottest date with her, or truly love him to death in your committed relationship, there are plenty of reasons why you still want him/her in your life. Spend time with all of these reasons. Which are most important and which do you hold closely? Which are wonderful but you may need to let go of? Understand the “why” behind every reason…..the reasons why you still want him/her.
Featured photo credit: Yogendra Joshi via flickr.com
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